I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
