atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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