my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
