you win again, gameday.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
my poor anus
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
