dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
