apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
