Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
