I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
