UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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