i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
