You made me cry and you don't even care
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
