Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
porn star boner night. come get it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
