the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
