you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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