once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize