i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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