I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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