remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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