shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
