Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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