I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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