whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
