You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
this is an emotional support booty call
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
