so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
