I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
