omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
