dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
