I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
