Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
