hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize