He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
