I just made out with a guy for $7.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
