My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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