i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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