I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize