And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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