Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
