I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
