I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
