No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
