He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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