I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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