dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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