You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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