I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My breasts were aching with rage.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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