Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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