she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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