Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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