My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
