I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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