Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
