u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize