Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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