At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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