Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
where does the pee come out of this thing
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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