Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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