You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
