That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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