In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
P.S. I can't hear my feet
love makes seman taste better
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
