he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
