So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
