I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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