I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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