apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
