oh god the rape fog is back!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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