So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
