Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
