So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
