ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
