Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
