# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They have beer where we have blood.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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