I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
